I am listening to new Tickley feather record.

I am writing this post to express how weird everything is. This person contacted me on facebook ( facebook! gahh). It turned out that he's a friend of Whitney and Andrew's. He still goes to Tyler. Ha. It is so weird isnt it. I dont know if i feel secure enough to talk to people that I dont know but I might have seen somewhere in Philadelphia before, possibly. (more possibly but probably) I am here in Osaka. but I am just making it that it must be something connects me to the world or some shit is in myself. Ha. I dont know what to say. I am kinda glad but feel strange.

I am going to LosAngeles in a month. I am excited to see all the great nature. (for your information, the person seems not forgetting that I am coming at all)

Also, maggie, Kina and Nori mentioned that friends of them are coming to Osaka and will have a party for them and of course for you because you'll be here. I will see you when I get back from LA on 4th.

to express my mind again. So what I do? --- I work for a company that is actually well known and big. This is important to note what I acually do at this company. I work in General Affairs. It is nothing exciting about it. I would say, just take care of diper babies of the company. And yet those diper babies think this department is where you end up as a loser without noticing that you are actually being a lot of taken care of. They think they are superior than those people who work for them. I do not understand. DO I deserve this? Also, why the hell is this thinking or idea sticking around in assiociation to the department. People in those design or engineering department are too proud of themselves. They think they can communicate in different language. I laugh behind thier backs. They dont know how stupid they look when they think they are doing awesome and cool, talking to those blonde-blue eyed people. They simply call those "Aliens" 外人 meaning outsiders. Is this really international minded as they promote? It is certainly not. why would you call people outsiders when you promotes there's no outside or inside. They are just too proud of themselves, while looking down on people, like me. This is what I really hate things. but I guess people need to go through shitty job, right? I mean, this is officially my first full time job. My boss said one doesnt get paid when s/he does whatever s/he likes. That's so true.

Yo why is this, I alwaaaaaaayyys have drain problems. Okay, my old house in West philly used to have a drain stuck in the pipe from the bathtub. Even drain opener didnt work at all. This makes the bathtub so fucking gross. I mean, I tried my best to maintain it clean. Okay this time, I realized that my bathtub in my apartment is having a similar problem. It was only sooner than before, I realized. So i got a bottol of drain opener , and it helped. SUCCESS!

this was pretty much I feel happy about right now. I feel so accomplished !

It's all autumn. It got chilly out over the holiday weekend.

Lately, i've been feeling bored and I am becoming boring too. So I start reading books. I finished a book that I borrowed from a friend. and later, I was in the middle of a book "Socialism utopian and scientific" by engels. but I cannot concentrate at all. Something distracts me all the time.

so I go outside, ending up getting stuff that I dont even need. I am just wasting money. I shouldn't be doing this. I feel so weird about all this materialistic Japanese society. or i believe, so captalistic in this society. I have so many clothes that I dont wear at all. I consider getting rid of some of them, but I find myself wondering if it is necessary since i am not in a situation that I need to get rid of them.

I better stay at home, read books and think. I guess.

Like this entry, I had a specific topic that I wanted to write but the thought has dissapeared. I am all bored again. I feel so lame. I feel so unproductive. This is why i haven't updated anything on the internet except flickr.

I don't feel 24 years old at all. I still feel and am 21 in my head. I feel like everything around me is changing and I feel so living myself. My friend at work, she always thinks of getting married to her boyfriend and she has no fun. She admits she's boring. I think she is. All the things she wants to do is to stay at home and make dinner for her future husband. I am still 21 in my world and experiencing all the things going and coming to me.

but when it comes to work, I think I am 24. In fact, I would spend my birthday, getting dinner with Shimano's important company in US. It's work, but I am kinda excited that i get to experience new things.

The drama dude is moving to NYC this week. He says he's moving to his mother's flat while she moves to different place. I really think it's good for him. More importantly, when something changes or important happens to him, he always tells me. I really like it. It has been only less than a year since I have known him. but like his friend thought, it seems like we've known each other for a couple of years. While he keeps a polaroid photo of himself taken by me, i keep his piece of art on my desk. "This looks like a toy brick. but is it really? Art is art because art has a back, you can see the back of the camvas or brick."

I had to fix holes on my favorite jeans. Crotch holes are real hard to fix. It's fifth time for me to fix them. I found this cloth that can fix holes with irons heat. It seems pretty fine. Those jeans are super über skinny. I spend like 4 years stretching out. (I already had those when I first came to United States in 2006, January) People say that why I do have to be so stubborn about those jeans. Natural holes on Jeans are awesome. I cant wait to get more holes on my knee on those. YES!

PS. As i walked from supermarket where i found the cloth, I saw someone who looked like Mr President of Shimano. Indeed, it was him. He was causally walking on the street. I told myself that I didnt see anything or anyone, focusing on my iPod. He scared the shit out of me.

Those people are wasting their time for real.




I went to this brand new outlet mall with dad. I wanted to capture the image so badly despite of those cold eyes from Japanese people. later on, my father and I went inside the Coach sotore because there was no more line. It was same as ever, boring products. I have no idea what people bought from this place.

annndddd...



Gucci, i have no idea how much they are getting off. They look same price as usual.

my hair is even shorter than ever.
but oh do I feel good.

I don't honestly know what is going in Philly surrounding this guy. He is honestly scared of being accused of his past. We had a light makeout before I left philly. Today, he emailed me and he is worried if he did something wrong to me on that day. He says he deserves physical threat or attack if i really did think he did wrong. He probably needs to get out of town like he always says and once he did before. I don't want him to think he did wrong.

if any of you see him lie down and beaten up badly on streets, at least take him home.

Just because I see and interact with so many people at work. I recently like to be by myself. I enjoy more being on my own. I think a lot and dream a lot. Also I have money to get me a ticket to abroad. haha.

I dream often about the desert and woods in winter. I look up images of Yosemite that we are going in winter. Winter beach. Winter forests. Trees can be seen as straight line that go up to the sky. I am longing for the sight. Maybe it's just me but it is unbeliebable how i can share so many things with him.

Looking at my tattoo on my left arm, I feel Philly and important people in Philly. I have grown up there even though the time was short it seems. Choosing to go to some American school was not a bad idea at all. (I was so reluctant at first though. it felt like a biggest mistake)

The wind is cool outside. I feel the view from my rooftop in philly. Watching the same moon while listening to the same songs.

Those people are boring.

They just love to categorize.

They dont even know that what they see and surround them are not everything.
I am quite confident that I ve seen many kinds of stuff, more than they do.
They just feel secure inside of this small world.
When it comes to be that something unfamiliar comes across, they tend to reject it as weird
and they dont even try to understand.

this what they are, and they will be forever.
I am not going to waste time with those people.
They are just boring.
and I am bored.

I miss being foreigner.
even though i feel foreign in this society, i still want to be foreign in foreign community.

yo dawg.

I am bored at work recently. I am trying real hard to kill time. I dont want to say "Hey i m bored and give me some stuff to do" because i want to avoid unnecessary stupid stuff to do.

but it s kinda depressing... I dont know what to do. what do you think?
( i know it is stupid to ask but I feel like I am a lame OL, but one thing good about this work is i can wear sneakers and black pants and some random t shirt under the shimano jacket. HA)

how are you doing?

I feel like i should speak more english.... i feel so fucking lame and retarded. I want to be somewhere I cannot see anything, like beach or some woods.

I cannot do anything here with it but I am so jealous of everything i used to do in philly. I hate being here depressed

Have you heard of "May disease"? It's called 五月病.

In April, you feel all freshed and excited because you start new life or new school or work.

In May, you feel unsure about what you have just started doing last month.

Maybe i am in that process. I feel under and even depressed sometimes.

Everything seems so not-right and feel weird out.

All I want to do is just riding a bike or dont do anything.

It was my very first experience ever that my flight got cancelled.

seriously, i had to wait for a day.

Originally i was planning to go back to japan a day earlier before work starts. but my flight was not flying and i got japan and next day, i had to go work 8am-5pm. also, i gotta go work this saturday too 8am - 5pm. so exhausting.

It's frickin windy out today. I decided to stay in bed and read a book and get up sometimes to prepare for the journey that is coming this Wednsday.

This journey to my another home Philly is actually known for only mom and close friends in japan. My dad even doesnt know. there are certain things that even my own family doesnt have to know. This is it. I paid for the ticket from my own pay. This is probably most expensive invest I have ever done.

I am reading "The philosophy of Andy Warhol".

"A: The most exciting thing is not-doing-it. If you fall in love with someone and never do it, it's much more exciting."

True.

"If something's going to happen to you, it will, you can't make it happen. and it never does happen until you're past the point where you care whether it happens or not...after you stop wanting things is when having them won't make you go crazy. After you stop wanting them is when you can handle having them. or before. but never during."

I always thought I can never get anything I want when I am wanting it. So I stop thinking that why I can not get it but let it go. I still struggle sometimes but being whatever mode is actually good and effective.

I am watching those 10yen coins all over my floor. There are more than 10 of them. But I leave them on the floor. I like it that way.

I dropped my glass mug on the floor and it is broken into pieces over the 10 yen coins. I did collected the broken glasses. But I left 10 yen coins that way. They are going to stay that way for a while until I go crazy or care about them.

I dyed my hair a little bit ash-greenish. Nobody notices that I actually dyed my hair. It is good.

and ready to go bed at 8 pm damn right now!

This morning i talked to Kim briefly on gmail about my stay in philly coming up soon. We gonna have funckin party cake for sure. PARTY CAKE!

My Friend in NY is having a really hard time by herself. I truly wish I could be there and even talk to her on the phone.